the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
