Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
