To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
