She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just had sex on a roof
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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