Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
