There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
