just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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