for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
