After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
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dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
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You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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