this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
