My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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