i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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