so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
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He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
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I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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