so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
