No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
