I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
