If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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