I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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