Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Dicks are not precious.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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