My first STD was from a foam party
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
