he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
