you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
