My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
