Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
