Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
