that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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