Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
