i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
