I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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