Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
