I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
