Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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