Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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