Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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