So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
