i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
