Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
