Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Randomize
