I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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