White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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