the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize