I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
