You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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