yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My vagina is very pro this idea
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
