Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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