Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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