Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
