I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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