that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
