Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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