Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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