DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my shit smells like andre
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
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