my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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