And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
