I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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