She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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