so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
