my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
