Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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