I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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