it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
